I'm at the stage of my work researching and writing about abuse and religious trauma, where whenever I read something like, "I'm sure they had the best of intentions," I become appalled and amazed at the dissociation people carry, their utter naiveté, like all the abusers are somewhere "out there," mysterious beings we never meet and only hear about, but never the people we know or occupying positions of power we respect.
If one or two of every ten people is on the Dark Triad of personality disorders, and even more are abusers, then statistically, naw hun, there's a very good chance they did, in fact, do it intentionally or were driven by dark impulses. That draconian policy is there for a reason. That clergy you're writing to begging for leniency is actually a bonafide asshole. He's not merely ignorant, but is getting off on this horrible process, and very likely laughing at your innocence, how easily misled you are.
I see a reflection of my old self, and how such views kept me going back for more, if not from the first person who had finally proved themself as an abuser, then from the next person or system, ready to give the worst people the best benefit of the doubt until they proved themselves beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Until I finally saw the connections between them all and learned not just some of the red flags, but ALL of them.
I give no more excuses for harmful behavior. Even if I misjudge bad behavior as abuse when it's really just ignorance, letting someone with truly good intentions off the hook helps no one either. Accountability for EVERYONE. Even myself and the harm I've done. I answer for it and improve.
Our programming runs deep. That's my goal in talking about the #AbuseCulture model. If you're not woke to how it all works, then you're a flying monkey, an enabler, a dupe, a sucker, an accomplice.
That's how THEY see you. So wise up. There's no other way to fight back.
️GINO LIBERO
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